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Grain - Maine - Food for the brain
TBM Returns! Sorry for the delay folks but I was on vacation. Here's the most outragous conversation Ive ever been a part of to kick things off
- Chirp Friend: let me check my training schedule
- TBM: you should check the lunar calendar
- Chirp Friend: you should check the zodiac astrology calendar to see if your boyfriend Chad will be there
- TBM: Teddy will be there and he's bringing a nice cable knit sweater for you to wear on your date with Betty the crack smoking panda
- Chirp Friend: it's funny you mention that because Brody had planned on getting you that very same multi-color cashmere blend sweater vest for when you alope to provincetown with Manual the salsa dancing circus clown
- TBM: I didnt know you knew Manny. Did you meet him on that date you went on with Pablo the key lime pie eating sherpa that Astor introduced you to at that seminar on how to make girls hate your face?
- Chirp Friend: I actually met Manny at Shaolin Warrior Mind Destruction retreat in the Himalayas, while defending the Tibetan border for the Chinese communists, which is actually where I ran into Pablo, who was in fact a sherpa double agent, and I was forced to hypnotize his own sheep to eat him alive to ensure minimal evidence. I then transported (through ancient Shaolin time-bending principles) to the Hostess Factory tour where you were at the sampling buffet and tornado thrusted the horns of the mystical mountain ram into your facial dome of femininity.
- TBM: Funny, because Manny said you a Pablo went to a flamigo farm. Dressed in your finest electric pink outfit (complete with electric fanny pack) you and Pablo strolled the park until you were overcome by the site of a baby flamigo hatching which set you into a helpless fit of crying. To regain your composure you pulled from your fanny pack some Loreal total protection lipgloss, a spay of hibiscus body glitter and some revlon lush foundation. While applying you chanted "because Im worth it".
- TBM: Apparently the date was ruined
- Chirp Friend: the date was ruined because you strolled by with Earl the transvestite mud wrestler after visiting the Bush's Baked Beans factory where you proceeded to still the secret recipe and detonate the commando flamingo farm (war flamingos are the new green countersurveillance units of the skies) with the noxious greenhouse gases emitting from your anus. Pablo the Shaolin Dark Prince flew away on the our rogue militant commando flamingos with our strategic hip packs full of magnum rubbers and rhino skin chewing gum. The entire female population of the world felt the wrath of your vigilante flatulence and formed an intergalactic pact to never sleep with you or look at your again at which point you began bawling like annie the orphan when she's kidnapped and ran for exile at Willy Wonka Emporium of little boys in leiderhosen
If you’re like me, you love Coach Hines. I’d thought I had seen them all until I came across this.
Wildly Hungover Friday Morning Conversation
- TBM: I have a great beard going right now btw
- Chriping Friend: make sure you take a pic of the muzzy for me
- but thats not for a while
- TBM: my muzzy will be in a picture of me slaying a dragon!
- Chriping Friend: false
- you will be tickling the cheeks of a goblin
- Chriping Friend: in a field of marshmallows and gravy
- TBM: fire and brimstone
- Chriping Friend: velvet and tuna tartare
- TBM: steel and moon rock
- Chriping Friend: satin and gouda cheese
- TBM: electrons and swords
- Chriping Friend: chetland ponies skirts
- TBM: komono dragons and armor
- Chriping Friend: baby bonnets and oreos
Here’s a little muzzy know how on this fine Friday, complements of Nicki Eicher. Like me, Nicki is a strong supporter of all things manly and good, particularly facial hair. She’s also got her own blog which is nothing short of smooth. Have a peak for yourself and rest alittle easier tonight knowing there are in fact women in this world who embrace the masculine power of the stache and all it represents.
TBM via Nicki Eicher
Today is a huge day in the history of our great country. We have two strong candidates both with a sound vision for the future but you know, there’s something lacking in both Mccain and Obama isn’t there? A certain no bullshit, shoot it straight, womanizer, seldom spoken quality. Hit the nail on the head didn’t I? Well hopefully you’ll have read this before heading to the voting booths and will join me in casting your vote for Don Draper.
What could be more appropriate in these times then an iron hand thundering out economic policies in 3 word sentences. “Fix it!” And just like in the show, the economy would be fixed. Not because Draper mapped out how to fix it but because his staff fears him so much they make sure it’s right or they know they’ll be asked to get a cardboard box from the mail room to pack up their things.
Or how about a president that always has a drink in his hand. There’s a level of respect that comes with that beverage. Why? Because if you can run a company while keeping your buzz under control then you can certainly stay calm and make educated decisions in a time of war.
And of course there’s the rampant womanizing and constant repenting. What a message to send to the rest of the world. “I take huge risks but will always protect and care for my country.” Foreign leaders respect and fear that. Young Americans aspire to that. And the world will forever be a better place because of that.
On the eve of the biggest election in our nation’s history some of the hardest working reporters in Chicago have gone through pain staking efforts to bring us a collection of the 50 worst album covers of all time. I couldn’t think of anything more appropriate to be reporting on this particular November 3rd.
My favorite of the bunch is shown above but click the link below to check out the whole gang.
The Sunday Something to Look Forward to
Sundays suck. Sure sure, football is great, but at the end of the day everyone gets that sinking feeling in the pit of their stomach that work is looming just around the corner. That being said, I thought it’d good to bring you something to look forward to each Sunday to help ease the blow.
I thought I’d start by letting everyone know that we’re just a few months away from beating the snot out of one and other yet again. I’m talking about the upgrade to everyone’s favorite boxing game, Fight Night Round 4. Due out in 09 the new game features a new game engine (not sure exactly what that means but Im glad it’s in there) and an improved line up of pugilists including Lenox Lewis, George Foreman, and Mike Tyson! Not current crazy face Tyson, but young “shattering peoples faces/lives/dreams” Tyson. To bad regardless of whom you play as you’ll never amount to more then Glass Joe…